Tuesday, 1 January 2008

Ok back to normality now, kind of... Been working but made the mistake or not so much of one of going over to copenhagen to see Nick and i got to see the nice side of him again which was great but it just confused me more as i was planning to dump him and he was so sweet. Damn men! Also i met someone else who's cute and funny but maybe a bit too clingy and i dont need that plus now Nick has changed i think i would feel too much guilt if i slept with someone else. I really wish i could be a cold person would make life so much easier.

Spent NYE getting drunk and spending money i dont really have as this is an expensive time of year and i kinda didnt put enough money in my bank to pay my rent as i dont have it. I need to find some more work.

The guy who i was going to do some escorting for is annoying the shit out of me he thinks i'm his fucking agony aunt now or something! Its driving me crazy... and to top it off he wants to be my rent boy now, what a fucking freak!

Arrrggghhh this time of year fucking sucks!

Wednesday, 26 December 2007

Ok so christmas is over, thank god! I hate christmas all that fuss for one day whats the point?! I spent the day in a dark room with beer, weed and coke and just got fucked makes the day pass so much quicker and is good fun!

Had a week off work which sucks as i get bored when i'm not working so cant wait to get back to it tomorrow. Got a nice easy BJ shoot and its good money for something so easy so thats gunna be good. Other than that i havent got a whole lot going on right now except that i'm on a diet as i've been eating so fucking much lately i dont wanna get fat!

I so need to get laid, i haven't had sex outside of work in ages! Thinking i'm gunna go out new years eve and get some...

Thursday, 20 December 2007

OK so i made a big decision as porn work is slow for me right now, last night i did an escorting job for a friend... i was actually really nervous about it but i have no idea why because it was just like doing a scene with a guy i don't fancy which i have done before! So it's something I'm considering getting into more as allot of porn actresses do it now days. In January my friend has said i can go down to theirs and just get loads of jobs in there as i do not want to do it from my own house, i don't think it's safe. But the lifestyle i live and how i spend i could really use the extra cash, so hopefully i will be going down for a week and making myself a couple of grand!

Also yesterday i did a shoot where i got to wear a strap on and fuck a guy up the ass... was good fun although not really a turn on, great way to take out any rage you have on men or exes.

Nick is really annoying me, he is so possessive for someone who said he 'can't' be a boyfriend.. if i tell him I'm doing a scene he gets so jealous but then i asked him if he would rather i lie about what I'm shooting and he said no! I cant win! He knew what i did when he started seeing me so he needs to get over it. Why do i keep hesitating about dumping him when he's such an ass!

I need to get some balls, although working in this industry is certainly helping. I'm now looking forward to Christmas which was initially going to suck but not anymore as i plan to get very drunk and very mashed thanks to a friend... will be a good one especially if i cant remember it he he.

Monday, 17 December 2007

So finally moved house, cleaned the whole place up, unpacked and got my Internet online! I live on my laptop so 2 days without it has killed me.... so glad to have it back.

Over the weekend i decided to break up with Nick... he just fucks me like his whore and he can hire someone if that's all he wants, yes the sex is great but there is no intimacy there at all!!! He doesn't respect me and I'm pretty sure is just using me so I'm going to see him after Christmas just to see if he's going to keep being that way because if he is it will be the last time i see him.

Work has now gone quiet which is driving me crazy as i need rent money and it's Christmas. Plus i have to pay £150 for a new cert for work at the beginning of January so i NEED to get some solo work in to give me a bit of cash. To top it all off i have a condom shoot on Wednesday and I'm bleeding! It has to stop before then or I'm fucked! That shit is paying my rent in January.

I'm also trying to corrupt a friend of mine into sleeping with me because he's just way too innocent and i have to see how different he is in the bedroom cause I'm betting he's pretty kinky! Never fucked a shy guy before!!

Thursday, 13 December 2007

So yesterday's shoot was tiring... had to travel for 3 hours to get there which was bad enough then the shoot ran late had to have a wank in a freezing cold barn, not that i minded too much... a wank is a wank right?!

But got to see my friend Terry again who is seeing this awful girl and deserves so much better! She treats him like crap and he's such an amazing guy he deserves so much better and yes i kinda do mean me! We have a spark, i know he see's it but he's with her so i have to play it patient which i dont do well.

Got a mail from an old friend totally out of the blue which is crazy... used to have the biggest crush on him so if we meet up again something may happen... kinda hope it does haven't had sex (outside of work) for 2 weeks now and a girl has needs! I dunno why but since i started doing porn it's been so much harder meeting guys... or ones that meet my standards anyway!

Had a meeting today, a company wants me to start finding them models in the new year and are gunna pay me £50 a go! Sweet! Only downside was i did a quick shoot for them too and while we were shooting the solo video the guy asked me if he could have a wank! How unprofessional is that! If he wants to wank he can do it after i've left, jeez! But i'm not letting it bother me, i said no and thats that, he tries it again i'll kick him in the nuts and tell him to shove his money and work!

All in all so far so good week... got tons to do tomorrow as moving on saturday... my internet will be down till monday night! How will i survive?! I live on my laptop whenever i'm home. Grrrr!

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

First blog!

So decided to start keeping a diary as my life is so crazy right now it would be stupid not to keep a record of it!
If you havent guessed I work as a porn actress, been doing it about 9 months now and wouldn't change a thing, it's gotta be the best job i've ever had... I absolutely love having money whenever I want too as its not something I'm used to but it's giving me a hell of a shopping addiction!

I'm dating a foreign producer that I met on a shoot a few months ago. It's a shame he's such an asshole cause i've never had sex like it! Gunna call him Nick for now. So saw him last weekend, he came over to London on a day after a massive party so I was hungover (can you be hungover without sleep?!) and still pretty wacked out on coke because my friends were just handing it out... and meeting a guy who doesnt drink or smoke or do any drugs is fun trying to act like its just a regular hangover! He's a bit older than me and really stuck in his ways but he confuses the hell out of me because one minute he'll be a stuborn moron then the next day he'll be all cuddly I really dont get men!

We went to some London resturants and he found something wrong with everyone of them arrrrggghhh!! I love my food so people complaining while i'm trying to eat drives me mad!

Anyway back to work. So much for things going quiet over christmas! I've been busier than ever and i didnt think i would need to be tested this month! (Every month everyone in the industry is tested for STD's and HIV... it's how everyone stays safe). I'm working loads this week got a solo shoot tomorrow so technically easy stuff you would think.... BUT.... I have to travel 3 and 1/2 hours to get there, I cant tell you how much i hate trains! I live on the damn things! Then on thursday a spanking company wants to meet with me to discuss giving me regular work, not my fave kinda work, i mean dont get me wrong i like a bit of spanking but i'm not into floggers... but hey! It pays well!

I've had 2 days off and it's killing me, i am so bored! I would rather be at work cause my friends tend to live in London and i dont my days off kinda suck usually and i spend them on my laptop or with my housemates. Same old same old and i am not a fan of routine! Ok i need sleep, have to get up so early tomorrow! Yuck!